Co-parenting communication can be challenging, even at the best of times. When tensions are mounting, it can be even more challenging than usual, and it may be difficult to discern when you can and cannot walk away from certain situations to save your sanity.
For example, when emotions are high or boundaries are being tested, it’s natural to wonder whether you’re obligated to respond to every message your co-parent sends. The answer to this broad, imperfect question depends on the nature of the message at issue, the terms of your parenting plan or court order and what is in your child’s best interest.
In general, you are not legally required to answer every single message from your co-parent—especially if a message is hostile, irrelevant to parenting, or meant to provoke. However, when communication involves your child’s well-being, schedules, school activities, health matters or other issues central to your shared responsibilities, it’s wise—and often necessary—to respond. Courts expect co-parents to act in good faith and make reasonable efforts to cooperate, especially if they share legal custody.
To ignore, or not to ignore? That is the question.
Ignoring important messages could lead to misunderstandings, missed obligations or even allegations of being uncooperative. Over time, a pattern of failing to respond to necessary communication could be used against you in court, particularly if your co-parent seeks to modify custody or parenting time.
If your parenting plan includes a clause about communication expectations, you should follow those terms carefully. Some plans specify the use of co-parenting apps, timeframes for responses or restrictions on the hours when messages can be sent. Failing to follow these guidelines could be seen as a violation of your court order.
With that said, you do generally have the right to set healthy, reasonable boundaries. If your co-parent is sending excessive, inappropriate or abusive messages, you are not required to engage. In those situations, using a court-approved communication platform can help keep conversations focused on the child and provide a documented record of all exchanges. If harassment persists, you may be able to seek court intervention to limit or structure future communication.
It’s also worth considering how your response—or lack of one—may affect your child. Consistent, respectful communication, even when difficult, helps maintain a more stable environment. Responding when it’s appropriate and staying silent when it’s not can demonstrate maturity and reinforce your commitment to healthy co-parenting.